As I was talking to a friend last week I realized I do not have a life. Well, OK, that isn’t really true. My life just happens to be 14 lbs 14 oz, 26 inches long, and is the most adorable thing I have ever laid eyes own. When I think about blogging I have nothing but Liam to write about. I feel as though I once had all these semi-interesting thoughts and emotions. Now all I seem to talk (and think) about are Liam’s moods, sleeping habits, poops, new adventures, and how I can make his day the best it can be (and therefore, my day the best it can be!). My emotions are pretty limited as well – ecstatic when Liam sleeps and complete and utter bliss when Liam smiles and laughs. (Agony would be the third emotion when Liam does NOT sleep).
I realize this is normal. I am ok with this new norm for me – well most of the time, anyways. It is just a bit shocking when I realize this truth. For the last 29 years my life revolved around myself, my family, my friends, my work, my need for sleep…MY this and that. Now it revolves around LIAM’s every breath. Even though I feel as though this is completely valid I still can’t help to think there needs to be some sort of balance. Liam needs to see the importance of my relationship to our Heavenly Father. He also needs to see me put effort and love into the most important human relationship I have, the one I have with Mason. He needs to see the importance of friendship and family. I want Liam to feel like he is THE most important person in my life but also see how his Mommy can love every fiber of his being and give of her time and energy to others. In theory this seems easy. In my mind I think,”Man, that is a sinch.” Reality is I don’t want to do anything but eat, sleep, and breath Liam (oh, glorious SLEEP)!
One of my dearest friends, Tania, and I use to hang out and talk about everything under the sun….the most random things. Since our our lives have been blessed with our two little boys we still talk about five times a day (if not more!) and all we seem to talk about are Jaxon and Liam. How is that possible? We talk MORE now on a daily basis but talk about these two little beings at every conversation. Same goes with Mason. I feel as though I see him more now but what do we talk about? You got it – LIAM! I find myself frustrated because I feel as though I have nothing else TO talk about. I am not working. Our friends are far away, as is our family. Church is always a test of survival. My dreams revolve around our son. What is there left? (Side note – I am doomed for depression once our children leave us!) I continue to feel a deep connection to my family and friends, probably even deeper now, actually. But I, well, I just can’t put my finger on it. I am obviously different. Motherhood changes a person.
Well, since Liam is my favorite subject to talk about, here are a few favorites:
-Right before I lay him down for naps or bedtime I hold him and rock him as I sing to him. He snuggles up to me. The spot between my neck and shoulder was created specifically for his perfect head.
-When he wakes up he lays in his bed talking and playing, waiting patiently for me to go pick him up. I love to hear his gibberish and squeals.
-Along side the last comment, when he sees me over his crib he gets the look of pure excitement and joy, like to be saying “YOU’RE HERE, YOU’RE HERE….YAY, let’s play!!!”
-He starts to fuss when he sees me making his food in the kitchen. I don’t actually like that he is fussing, but, it is pretty adorable that he knows what I am doing and is anxiously awaiting.
-Liam makes this “mmm..nyum…mmm…nyumm” sound when he is enjoying his food. I feel as though he appreciates my cooking 🙂
-Watching him sit. How is it that my little baby is old enough to be sitting by himself?
-Watching Liam play by himself. He uses his little pointer finger to grab on to things and it is simply adorable.
-The way he looks at me when I am putting water in my glass. Well, actually, the way he looks at me all the time. It is as if he is saying, “Mommy, what are you doing? What is that?”
-On that note…I love how he is constantly trying to figure everything out, such a curious little guy.
-Liam does this “bashful” look now that melts my heart. He puts his face into my arm or chest and will look at whomever out of the corner of his eye. I think he is learning how to flirt. Uh oh.
Well, there are a million things that I love about this child of mine. I think I find ten new things a day that I fall in love with about him. He really is my sunshine and happiness. I am so blessed with Liam.
With more love than I ever thought possible,