Change is inevitable. I know this by now, but it does not make it any easier. Our family is in the midst of experiencing several great changes. I find myself feeling very anxious and nervous most days anticipating all the things to come even though they are GOOD changes.
Change number one: Becoming a family of four. As of this past Thursday, Liam is 15 months old. As of this past Friday I am 36 weeks pregnant and per my OB’s exam could deliver anytime. I am anxious about being a mother of two who are so small. I try to think of how I will logistically feed Sofia every two to three hours and follow our little explorer around the house. I try to imagine taking care of a newborn and a very active toddler on very little sleep. (If you know me at all, you know I desperately NEED my sleep and have a pretty big love affair with our comfy bed). I wonder where I will find the patience, the love, the grace, the creativity and energy day-to-day to be the mother our children deserve. I wonder how this change will affect Liam. I fear the worst. I want Liam to be happy and I am afraid I will not be able to give him the attention he deserves. I worry that Sofia won’t get the time Liam did and will be behind. I know how silly all of these fears sound. Millions of women have raised successful, brilliant children under much more difficult circumstances. On that note I am extremely anxious about Sofia’s birth. I delivered Liam in 8 hours with no medication of any kind. I was nervous before his delivery mostly because of the unknown. This time around I KNOW what the pain feels like. Let me tell ya, knowing is much worse. I feel as though for me and our children having a natural childbirth is the best. I am not going to lie, there is also a bit of a pride issue with me wanting to deliver our children sans medication. After all, for years I have taught that this way of childbirth is optimal, what kind of teacher would I be if I didn’t do this myself? When I was in labor with Liam I honestly thought I would die from the pain. I didn’t think anyone could survive such agony. It was worth it in the end. But those who say you forget must be CRAZY! I will never forget the pain of childbirth. EVER. The imminent arrival of our little girl brings back those memories ten fold. I honestly get sick and begin to shake thinking of it all. I will say, after it is all said and done I know it is worth it. It is truly amazing how God orchestrates the entire labor and delivery process and I am so blessed to be able to experience life at it’s best.
Change number two: Mason is getting out of the Air Force sometime in January. We will not be 100% sure until the end of November but supposedly it is basically a done deal. For six years now (ever since I met Mason) we’ve had this 9 year commitment to the AF hanging over us. We have felt as though our lives couldn’t truly start until we were out of the Air Force. We had no real illusions of being released when Mason filled out the paperwork for an early exit. We had originally heard he was not granted an early release. My mind shifted from the small glimmer of hope to making the best out of the situation God had given us. Eleven days after the original news we were in awe and shock when Mason’s commander told him that his request had been appealed. In a sense, Mason’s life will be the one that changes the most, his work life anyways. He will finally be able to practice medicine the way he thinks is best without the bureaucracy of the AF. I think he will be happier. There are a lot of little things in the AF that have been frustrating for ME and I am not the one dealing day in and day out with it all. Obviously, Mason has to find a job now! Please pray with us about this situation. Today is November 23rd (and I am now 38 weeks pregnant) and we are still awaiting Sofia’s arrival. Normally we wouldn’t want to rush her arrival but Mason desperately needs to begin interviewing at the different prospects. Between interviewing, making a decision, hiring process then credentialing it could take a while – all of this during the holiday season which makes everything slower. I pray for wisdom for Mason as he interviews and as he/we decide which option is best for our family. We are incredibly blessed that Mason has a career where he has absolutely no problem finding a job. We haven’t found the ideal (ie, a hospital IN Nashville) but there are several good options on the outskirts of Nashville.
Change number three: MOVING!! As “fate” would have it, we are finally settled in this beautiful home in Destin. We have made some good friends, found a church and I’ve gotten involved in MOPS. If you read my last post about change you will not be shocked with what I am about to say. We are trying to move to the Nashville area. Most everyone knows our hearts stayed in NYC when we left. New York simply feels like home to Mason and me. BUT we feel as though right now the best decision for our family is to stay close to our parents. With such young children I, especially, feel as though I could use the help and support of family. We have not given up on our dream to move back to The City, we are simply postponing it for a few years. We truly feel as though God has orchestrated all of these events in our lives. He has given us an overwhelming peace that can only come from Him.
Well, some of these changes have finally happened. I gave birth to our sweet Sofia a week ago today. In a nutshell her birth was nothing of what we thought it would be. It was much more difficult than any of us thought it would be. But, in the end, Sofia and I are both healthy and happy! I will write more later, but for now I will leave you with a few pictures.